I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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