My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
