He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
