I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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