i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
