Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
