please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My vagina is officially offended.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
