I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize