I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
