Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
