I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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