margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
