the day after is always just damage control
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
