That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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