I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
