i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
