i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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