You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
