Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm at about main and main street
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
