I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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