I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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