had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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