You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
