babies were throwing up all over the place
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
