with your own penis?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
