Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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