so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
