I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My ATM looks so different sober.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
