You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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