new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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