dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
