The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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