I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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