I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize