I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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