You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
