got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
