Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
