dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
