my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
