My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
