Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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