I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
