All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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