apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
