Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
