normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
