if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
