My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
