Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
