Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
vagina is talking i cant
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
