She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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