Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
