Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
