if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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