I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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