I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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