We got so high we made milksteak
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize