Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
