with your own penis?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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