Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
