Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
