I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
