Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
