Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
