haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
