was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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