I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
