I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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